Couple of days ago I thought I was having a pretty crappy day.
Within the first hour of getting up I had to yell at my kids half a dozen times for stupid stuff, like smearing cream cheese over the draw handle, bickering with each other non stop and not being dressed 10 minutes before they should be leaving the house, let alone actually brushing their teeth, and then the dishwasher broke…again.
Once they had left for school I had a really bad case of fibro fog to the point I started to worry that’s Id never get back to being the old me again.
I wasted 10 mins hunting the mug that I had in my hand, made a coffee having forgotten to boil the kettle first, lost my todo list so had no idea what I was ment to get done today and I know there was something very important to do!! Let the dog out into the garden then spent 20 mins looking for her in the house (yep she was still outside). Panicked that my phone line was faulty when in fact I was ringing myself and then climbed up stairs 3 time with no idea why when I got to the top, and trust me with aches like I’ve got, that’s no easy task.
Eventually pulled myself back together and sat with a cup of, this time hot, coffee and waited for my friend to come round.
We had a lovely couple of hours. We sat and chatted, drinking tea and eating mince pies, and putting the world to rights, we even arranged a Christmas shopping trip so we could both finalise our shopping lists.
My friend was telling me about her hectic couple of days ahead and how she is no better than me when it comes to winning at life, (but I always think shes managing better than me!)
She’s trying to set up a new business venture, pull together Christmas for her husband and 4 kids, chaperoning one of them to the local panto production (no not the husband), organising the school’s Christmas fete and all whilst battling a chronic illness that means she cant even lie down in bed at night due to the chest pain not to mention the all day fatigue and body pain which she never ever moans about, unlike me.
I was on quite a high when she left as we had both needed that little bit of me time. But then after a couple of hours on the sewing machine I was in so much pain I could hardly see what I was doing through the tears.
I cant seem to do anything for more than an hour without suffering……
Woe is me right?
I then got a message from one of my friends who lives in my old town.
She is fighting a losing battle with the teachers at school over her little man who has ADHD.
Hes a real character who always makes me smile and I love him to bits.
To help the school he has written his own profile to help the teachers understand him (hes only 13!) In it he lists his disruptive habits and even outlines the help he requires to focus and concentrate on his studies. Only problem is the just the teachers dont read it, and as a result her boy spends more and more time sitting in the corridor, missing his lessons, not knowing quite what he did wrong.
As a result my friend has a constant battle with him falling behind classes. And whilst all this is going on her beautiful eldest boy is battling with a recent diagnosis of colitis and coming to terms with life with a stoma.
I then spoke to my other friend. She’s my go to when things are down, and I can never kid her into believing I’m ‘fine, honest’.
Her boy is diagnosed with autism. When he first started showing signs she was working at a specialist children’s home for kids with autism. As a result she was able to put so many of the coping mechanisms into practice from an early age. Hes one of the most amazingly intelligent, articulate young men I know and his coping mechanism means he’s good at fitting in… in most situations. But there are still some things he struggles with. Hes just turned 18 and so desperately wants to be hanging out with his mates, but his autism prevents him from hanging round at night clubs. But he just cant handle the noise. And so consequently he gets left behind and because of that my friend feels guilty she can’t wave a magic wand to make his friends want to spend time with him rather than going out clubbing.
He has spent 2 years working bloody hard at college learning skills that could set him in a fantastic career, but due to his autism no one wants to give him a chance as an apprentice as their insurance wont cover him. So all she can do is watch knock back after knock back and know he cant fully comprehend why people wont give him a chance and its all out of her control. There is nothing worse as a mother not being able to make it all better for your babies.
And then there is his college. Despite meeting after meeting and promised action plans, his school just keep letting him down (familiar story). They are not putting into action the things that are necessary for him to progress and achieve his potential.
To make things worse any support the family could get has stopped due to his age. There is just no system out there to help the people who need it.
So my friend is slowly adapting her house to give him the freedom he needs to be independent whilst still being there to support him . She and her husband juggle their work shifts so someone is always there on hand for lifts and support, and trust me that shift juggling just isn’t good for any ‘family’ life, her and her husband just never see each other!
I then caught up with my newest friend, I only met a couple of month ago, but shes one of those people who you feel like you could have known forever.
Before Id met her she had had a scary episode that the Drs have diagnosed as epilepsy.
Because of this, understandably they temporarily revoked her license whilst the drs investigated.
She lives in a rural village and the closest school she could get her kids in is 4 miles and a bus journey away, so not having access to a car is tough. Not to mention the luxury of going to a supermarket, visiting her family or just having the freedom to jump in the car when ever she likes and do whatever the heck she likes.
She has been back and forward with specialists and the DVLA and was promised that by the middle of December she could get her license back and she’d be driving again.
The DVLA made promises that if they heard from her specialist they would grant her her licence back, her Drs and specialists had signed her off that she was ok for driving again, and the two of us were counting down the days. It was all good!
Id been waiting to hear the good news, but instead she messaged me to say that the DVLA had changed their minds and that it would be 12 months til she got it back. She was absolutely shattered and could hardly talk as is just hurt so much, and I can understand that. Its hard when someone snatches something away from you that you have been promised and dreaming of, but you have no control but to just go with it.
As I lay in bed trying to get to sleep I thought about all the struggles my friends face, and the one thing that shone out was despite how life seeming to launch shovel after shovel of shit at them, they all remain so positive and are always there for me when I’m down.
So you know what?
I’m gonna stop my moping, realise we all have kids who drive us up they wall, but we love them regardless. Who gives a fuck if the dishwasher has just broke? We can manage without!
And yes I get pains, forget things and bumble round like a geriatric at only 36, but Ive also got so many wonderful things in my life that I am grateful for… most importantly I have my lovely friends who all keep me sane xx And for that I thank you and I Love you all xx