The Suicide Squad

Imagine being in a situation where your baby, your most adored little being in the world struggles so hard with their life that they think about ending it.

As a teen it was something I personally experienced myself. A belief that I wasn’t enough and the world would be better without me.

The last thing I’d ever want in my life is for one of my babies to be in that position.

But 2016 here we were.

And being on that journey, to get your child the help and support they need is one of the lonely experiences I have ever encountered.

Noone who has not been in that position truly understands the emotions as a parent you spiral through.

It was about this time I came across a group on the internet. They were predominantly based in the US, but they were people who I could Identify with. The fear, the struggle, the anger and confusion.

I then discovered there was a UK version of the group. And they were a font of knowledge.

They understood the system and how to navigate it.

They knew how to battle CAMHS and get the support that was there if you only know how to ask for it.

After using this support network for a number of months, one of the parents reached out to see if there was anyone who lived in their area who might want to meet up.I

t was only an hour from me.

I nearly didn’t go.

But by that time I felt so desperate and isolated, I would give anything a go.

It was one of the best decisions of my life.

That first meet was an eye opener. The reasons why our kids where in the position they were and the lengths these babies had gone through to end their struggles was heart breaking.

I say babies, all of them are in their teens, but as parents they will always remain our babies.

But from that night a bond was made between a group of 4 of us that would save my sanity time and time again.

We started meeting regularly and started to do things socially just as a group of friends.

Along the way we gathered up another family desperately struggling to support their babies attempts, and they are now as integral to the group and support network that was created.

Each time we meet the hours slip by like minutes. We don’t constantly dwell on the journey we have experienced with our kids.

Most of them are now young adults.

But the conversation is always deep and honest and strengthening.

And the best bit for me through all of this is how our children have met and bonded, and created their own little network to support one another.

And I will forever be greatful to our Suicide Squad.

If you ever experience a difficult period of life with the journey of your child growing up, be it self harm and suicidal thoughts, autism and neuro diversity or medical issues that are challenging to one so young.

I implore you to reach out and find your tribe.

There will be people in your area who understand the struggles you are experiencing. And whilst each story will be a different journey, these people will become a family to you who truly understand your day to day struggles.

You are never alone if you can find the strength to reach out and find your tribe.

They could just be the lifeline that saves you.