So we shopped for a new sofa in the sales. It was just a replacement for the one we’ve got. Theres nothing wrong with the leather of the one there. But it’s sagging in the middle, it’s a bit more lumpy and not like it used to be. It feels familiar. It was just the 2 of us and I figured it would be an easy day. Oh how wrong could I be. Who knew sofa shopping would be such an emotional rollercoaster? We sat on no less than 50 sofas. Over a period of 5 hours no. But that … Continue reading “Sofa shopping”
Rooting
I have always found a walk around my garden can be enough to clear my head. Barefoot whilst letting my toes flex into the grass. Walking around to see each plant, to find the buds about to open, or to see the insects sample the nectar and pollen inside the open fragrant blooms. But its muddy now. The plants are dormant, awaiting the first spring sunshine. I think that’s why I struggle in the winter. Autumn is fine. I find it homely. The first crisp mornings. The changing of the colours and falling of the leaves. The smell of leaves … Continue reading “Rooting”
I thought Christmases would get easier.
This Christmas has been one of the hardest yet. I thought that they would get easier as time went on, but that’s not the case. I tried so hard to get into the Christmas spirit. I know those around me love the season and I know my mood brings them all down. I would do anything to be different but I’m not. This year I bought my first gift in November. Got all fired up to make changes. To be more festive. My husband nagged me to get the wrapping down early so it didn’t end up a last-minute task … Continue reading “I thought Christmases would get easier.”
All out of Christmas cheer
I’m feel I’m out my depth again. Treading water knowing the big waves are heading my way. I get like this each year. Watching everyone else preparing and celebrating the season. But no matter how hard I try to get caught up in their revelries, it’s just out of reach, like it’s brushing past my fingertips but I just can’t grab hold. I’ve started writing lists again. Of all the things I need to cross off before the big day comes. Order prescriptions, write cards, buy gifts and get them wrapped. I realise how far behind I am on being … Continue reading “All out of Christmas cheer”
A lot can change in 10 years
I’ve had a new house, new husband and new career. You have a granddaughter that you never even knew about. 10 years has literally been a lifetime but not a day goes past where I don’t miss you and am not grateful for all that I am thanks to you. There are so many times I have gone to pick up the phone. To call you. To tell you. Jonny? He’s so clever, he’s cheeky, he’s funny and his heart is so big. He’s going place. The spark in him will light fires. And Katie’s so beautiful. A voice like … Continue reading “A lot can change in 10 years”
When that gut feeling takes over
Knives like silver and diamond fall from the dark onto the windscreen as the blades swish furiously in the dark. It’s nothing like that day, but the knot in my stomach is there. Filled with dread. My brain is telling me that something bad is coming. That I need to get home and check on my husband and kids. Until I see them with my own eyes, my mind will keep playing tricks, convincing me there is something terribly wrong. That day was a cold day. We’d had snow. I knew something was wrong early on. I kept ringing. Waiting … Continue reading “When that gut feeling takes over”
Garnet beads glisten in the light
They’re back, knocking at your door. Even if you hadn’t looked through the peek hole you would know it’s them. You feel their presents. A taunting. A calling. They want to join the party, but don’t they realise it’s just you here on your own, with your own thoughts. You think it’s safe to let them in. Just for a short while. Toy with their feelings. Listen to what they have to say. You forget the poison they speak. They just bring the doubts, the questioning, the deprecating. Determined, you saying they’d just stay for a moment. But they’re still … Continue reading “Garnet beads glisten in the light”
A little fall of rain
Driving home last week I was sad. The verges were filled with browns and golds, the greens all faded and gone. Now, this usually would excite me—the start of autumn, the changing of the leaves. But this wasn’t that. The countryside is burnt to a crisp from the heat of the sun. An exceptional heatwave hit the UK in July, and then a second hit at the beginning of August and all the plants and wildlife have shriveled and many perished. Everything looks beyond saving. It feels like we will never have our beautiful green countryside back. But yesterday something … Continue reading “A little fall of rain”
#SpaDay
I went to the spa this week. My friend and I have been promising each other we will go for over 3 years. For the first 2 of those, we couldn’t go because of Covid. The whole world had come to a grinding stop. But the last year we haven’t gone just because of life. It’s been busy. My friend has been juggling her own mental health as well as a couple of health scares, keeping motivated their autistic son, and navigating 2 sets of parents who have reached their twilight years. Including downsizing and moving to a warden-assisted building. … Continue reading “#SpaDay”
New job, New me
I start a new job next week. If I’m honest I have mixed emotions about it. There is excitement and nervousness all mixed together and there is sadness too. For starters, I’ll be the new girl. And I’ll have a whole heap of things to learn. I know I will spend the coming weeks wiped out with trying to remember it all. But thats ok. Im looking forward to that bit. I like learning new things. And with this job comes big changes. It’ll be the first time in a long time I won’t be paying in my own wages. … Continue reading “New job, New me”