Must try harder

I’m due back to work tomorrow.

I’m only going in 2 days this week.

Ease me back in gently as my life is still full of therapy sessions and health checks.

I had told my line manager that if anyone asked to please be honest with them.

Before ‘the event’ 3 weeks ago I had sent my team an apology for not being on my A game as I was having issues with my mental health and thoughts of self harm and suicide.

They’d all been pretty supportive.

But when I spoke to HR to plan to go back they said they’d just told people I was off with stress.

And now this is making me stressed.

I just don’t want anyone to feel embarrassed by my scars. Make it the elephant in the room that noone mentions and everyone avoids eye contact.

I’ve always been the kind of person who wears my heart on my sleeve, an open book to anyone who wants to ask, but how do you explain doing something like this when you’re still not 100% sure why you did it?

I’ve bought 90’s style emo arm warmers to cover my forearms. They do the trick, but they make them itch.

Or do I just not cover my arms and if anyone asks I’ll say I was attacked by a bear?

It kinda looks believable.

And what do I say when they ask if I’m feeling better?

Why yes, I’m on top of the world, everything is hunky Dory I’m on 6 different meds and I’m tripping off my tits.

Or “like all my school reports as a kid, must try harder”

I’m not sure they’re ready for gallows humor, but it’s the only way I know.

But it will be good to get back to normality.