I feel we’re at a turning point.
But I’m just not sure which direction I’m turning .
I have a face to face workshop today on living in the now :eg mindfulness. Then straight after that I’m meeting with the crisis team with a view to be discharged from their books and handed over to adult services.
Before that happened I was promised a review of my meds but that hasn’t happened.
I continue to spend my days spaced out on diazapam. Just living a half life.
But I was told that could only be a 4 week sticking plaster whilst tests were carried out to see if my body would accept the alternative meds.
We’re in week 5.
I’ll continue to wait.
The only direction Ive been given is that I’ll be designated a lead practitioner who will support me through my journey of wellness.
They don’t know who that will be.
I feel like I’m hearing lots of promises but nothing actually happens.
It makes me feel I’m slowly tipping over the edge.
All I can see over the edge is an abyss.
I feel like I’ll be freefalling I feel sick with nerves and anticipation.
How far down do I fall before I hit rock bottom.
How many ledges will I hit on the way down that will break me and bruise me so that when I do hit rock bottom I’ll be unrecognisable from the strong independent woman I used to be.
I’ve slowly devolved into a child dependant on others for food, for meds and for getting where I need to go.
I feel this will damage our relationship before I find a way to get better.
I wish I knew what had triggered this freefall. At least then I would be able to face it and find a resolution.