If you asked me to describe my daughter I’d tell you she is a confident blond bubble of energy, and sunshine.
She is an amazing actress, her creativity at art is outstanding and she has the voice of an angle…. actually no, it’s not an angle, is the deep chilling voice of a 40 a day habit club singer, but at 13 trust me when I say it’s breathtaking.
I often giggle and call her Bubble head as she has moments of the world completely passing her by without a flinch but all in all she is one of life’s good people.
She has a natural ability to care for others and nurture to the point she often puts herself second
But saying that, she has never been know to put up with much shit. If you do her wrong you’ll know about it. She isn’t usually afraid of calling you out.
Most people I know with kids her age have almost lost their babies to that what is known as being a teenager! But not my girl! She wants to dress like me. She wants to be seen with me (unlike her younger brother). She’ll even walk with me to school on the days I’m heading that way insisting on holding my hand,despite my walking stick, my pink hair and my crazy flashing gold trainers. When I question what about her friends seeing us? Her response “ what about them? I want to walk with you!”
She just genuinely wants to make me proud.
But over the last few months there has been a change.
She has invited numerous friends to come round for a sleepover or tea or just to hang out. But all she gets is excuses. One has after school clubs every night and the only night they don’t they visit their nana. One has so many allergies their mother doesn’t let them leave the house to visit “a strangers”. And the rest are just busy even when asked when they will next be free.
In the last 3 weeks my girl has had a number of different pranks pulled on her. People texting her from a friends phone saying it’s been found in the street and they need her to meet somewhere to collect it. Saying that someone she has confessed to fancying has their friends phone and sending her messages of all she wanted to hear. It’s all silly kid stuff but the thought of them laughing, you can see how it hurts.
Just recently she came home in tears after an altercation at school. The teacher had left the classroom and a group of girls were dicking around. When the teacher returned something had been broken and the whole class were threatened with detention unless the culprit owned up.
After a few minutes my girl stood up and told the teacher the truth. Maybe not what I’d have done at that age, but then I was never that brave!
The main culprit was carted off to see the head.
After class a group of girls waited outside and talked her down. Asking why she’d said that. My girls response? “The bitch deserved it!”
From what my son said a scuffle broke out and they were carted to the heads office. When asked what had happened my girl repeated it word for word.
My girls tears were not because of what had happened. More that she felt she had let me down by swearing. My response? “sounds like the bitch did deserve it!”
This week she walked to school with me again. Holding my hand all along the high street and insisting on waiting with me til the bus arrived.
We kissed goodbye and wished each other a lovely day.
Once I got on I watched her walk up the street.
A groups of boys she recognised were just up ahead. She called out and ran to catch up. They all started running themselves heads thrown back laughing in the good humour it was ment, but they didn’t see my girls response.
To be fair I’m sure most wouldn’t have, but a mother does. Her shoulders slumped, her steps slowed and I swear I saw a little part of her heart brake. As her mum a little bit of mine broke too, for you see I remember exactly how that felt. Always trying to fit in, not quite making the grade. People I classed as close pushing me to the outer limits of the circle. Making me the butt of their jokes.
I suffered months and months of being bullied and heart broken. And when I was her age I really didn’t handle it well. I started craving the wrong kind of attention and pushing those who cared for me as far away as possible. I started hanging round with the wrong people. I started self harming and treating myself as a lower class citizen.
I talk to her about all of it, her feelings, her days, how much she hurts, our relationship has no boundaries. I’ve even chatted with her about my experiences so she might realise that I do really honestly know how crippling this is.
How does a mother protect her child from all the harm in the world? Or do I have to let her carve her own path? Knowing what happened to me and knowing it could be happening to her breaks my heart.
Please world, do not break this beautiful innocent girl!