Part of the healing process of mental health is baring your heart and soul. I feel like that’s all I’ve been doing for the last 3 weeks and I haven’t even met with the therapist that will be chosen to work with me to try and fix myself. There is a numbness that occurs when you keep retelling your story. It gets easier each time as you brush over it light hearted and almost as bravado. Convincing those listening that you know your past and have dealt with it. But that’s obviously not the case. That’s why I’m signed up … Continue reading “Baring your soul is painful”
Category: Suicide
Its dark in here inside my head
It’s been a month since I reached out to my GP.Since I said the words “I need help”. Saying those words are one of the hardest words to say. I think they’re even harder than saying I’m sorry, because anyone can say that, but if their actions don’t back them up, they’re just hollow and pointless. And since I asked for help, if anything I have got worse. I’ve been to hospital twice. O nce because it was thought I could be a risk to myself. And once because I took action to end my life. I’ve had the crisis … Continue reading “Its dark in here inside my head”
Please don’t ask ‘How are you?’
How are you doing? It’s an innocent question, I’m asked almost daily, and one I’ve been answering for most of my life. “Ye I’m fine thanks,” or “I’m good” It rolls of the tongue in an automated fashion. But right here, in this moment, I’m anything but fine. Yet the preprogrammed response is out before I even think of what I’m really saying. At this time I should be answering no. No I’m not fine. I’m not safe. I’m toxic, and I risk infecting all those around me. Can you imagine the responses of people if I really said that … Continue reading “Please don’t ask ‘How are you?’”
Words and situations
I currently feel overwhelmed by situations. I have high levels of anxiety over the future. I feel like a lot of changes in my life are outside of my control. In my day-to-day life, I don’t exhibit symptoms of anxiety. However, in my current mindset, I have a lot of worry and anxiety about loss, and past experiences. My expectation are to experience disappointment with the care I am receiving for my mental health. Once the crisis team has stabilised me I expect to get lost in a waiting list of people My emotions relating to the kids going to … Continue reading “Words and situations”