When we originally talked about my taking some leave to get my mental health back in a good place, the plan was to start getting back to work by the end of September. We’re halfway through the month and it’s not going to happen. I still can’t walk. My twisted ankle is still very far from being healed. I’m fact, if anything it feels a little bit worse today than it was earlier in the week. Did I overdo it the other day? Maybe. But it’s so bloody boring just sitting about. Even if I am just shuffling from one … Continue reading “The waiting game”
Category: Anxiety
It’s finally here
This week I’ve been having night terrors. The kind where you’re not sure if you’re asleep or awake. The first one followed a dream. A dream where I had to choose between shopping a good friend in for committing a murder that was completely out of character Vs letting someone I know to be of bad merit take the fall. I spent the whole dream conflicted. Over who deserved to serve. Then when I ‘woke’ I was alone. And I was scared. I knew I had to run, to get out. Something bad was coming. But the pain in my … Continue reading “It’s finally here”
A Dream of Clarity
Last nights dream has left my mood low, but equally has given me some clarity. The first part of the dream I had visited a seaside town I haven’t been to since I was much younger. All the routes I previously knew had changed due to building works and development. I found myself at a psychic and craft fair. I wondered round aimlessly finding very little of interest so returned to my car getting lost numerous times on route. When I arrived at the car my daughter was there. She wanted to see the fair herself. I walked half way … Continue reading “A Dream of Clarity”
Where’s the light?
When my mental health took such a turn in March, I thought that by the end of summer, I’d be getting better. My garden would be beautiful and my completed crafts would be stacking up filling my little heart with joy. And I have had some days where I’ve been brighter. I allowed myself to feel I was turning a corner. That my mental health was on the rise. I went to bed last night wanting to be motivated for today. To start ticking things off the ever-growing to-do list. But thats not how today is going. I’ve woken up … Continue reading “Where’s the light?”
Hows my day going ?
How’s my day? So far I’ve spent 2 hours doom scrolling. I’ve cried at posts, I’ve smiled and I’ve shared pointless memes. And now I’m barating myself for achieving nothing. Last night I missed out my strong pain meds and my sleeping tablets hoping I wouldn’t feel so groggy, so drunk when I woke up. But my head is swimming. My foot pain after my turned ankle did disturb some of my sleep, but otherwise I feel like I clocked up a few good hours, so why do I feel so rough. I’m angry I’m not motivated. I’m angry that … Continue reading “Hows my day going ?”
The toilet dream
Last night’s dream was a little different to my usual anxiety dream. Usually in this dream, I’m hunting for a toilet and I’m bursting to go. I’m running up and down corridors of a building hunting for the ladies’ room. Up and down staircases getting more and more lost. Each room I come to has moulded floors, think similar to a very shallow version of a large hot tub. Lots of areas where pools can form and nye on impossible to keep clean. Some cubicles are showers or changing rooms, some have no dividers between each pan. But the worst … Continue reading “The toilet dream”
Words and situations
I currently feel overwhelmed by situations. I have high levels of anxiety over the future. I feel like a lot of changes in my life are outside of my control. In my day-to-day life, I don’t exhibit symptoms of anxiety. However, in my current mindset, I have a lot of worry and anxiety about loss, and past experiences. My expectation are to experience disappointment with the care I am receiving for my mental health. Once the crisis team has stabilised me I expect to get lost in a waiting list of people My emotions relating to the kids going to … Continue reading “Words and situations”