The village we live in is quite rural, quiet and quaint.
The last Saturday of each month we have a comedy night in the village hall. And don’t get me wrong, for somewhere so obscure we get some good headliners.
Tonight was my first proper ‘night’ out since ‘the incident’.
My first night out being normal. And the best bit is they’ve changed my meds so it wasn’t going to be instant death if I sniff a glass of vino!
So I made the most of it.
Fish n chip supper followed by an amble to the hall.
Now if I’m truthful I was still slightly off my tits from my earlier meds, despite the 5 hour nap. I felt chilled and ready for bed.
But I dressed up as best I could in the current climate and off we set. Kids, husband and I.
To be totally honest here it felt a bit like teenager being trusted for the first time.
I didn’t need to be escorted to the loo, I didn’t feel I was being stared at despite the emo-stripped arm warmers to cover my arms and there was an open bar to anyone who could validate they were over 18!!
So wine was purchased….in abundance. It went straight to my head.
The audience were all pros by now so the front row was left empty. The stagehand asked for volunteers to fill those chairs. Usually, I’d shudder at the thought of being targeted by the compare, but tonight I felt reckless. My daughter was up for it too.
But the governor ruled a no to that one. I’m not mentally stable enough to be heckled. Probably because he knew I’d give as good as I got and make some unnecessary comments to make them feel really awkward. Like an urge to push other people’s buttons.
For the first time in weeks I felt normal. It felt real. Any response I got from people sitting nearby was genuine and not adapted because I was specifically or fragile.
I could even be mistaken for a functional adult.
I’m looking forward to a time I can be allowed in a room on my own or out of the house without somebody standing guard over me all the time.
I want to be seen as normal again and not the crazy girl who cut herself when things got tough.