I’ve met quite a lot of new people in the past 10 months. And I find myself uttering the same phrase over and over again. I used to be; First I met new work colleagues, then counsellors and therapist. Now strangers in different support groups. And they always ask what bought you here. When I was younger, my ‘used to be ‘ was for shock effect. I used to be a gravedigger. And it’s true. When I first left school from June to September every day I went to work with my dad to help. I was 15 years old, … Continue reading “I used to be”
Month: June 2023
I ran away
I ran away. Just for a week, and I found peace. My brain stopped torturing me with thoughts of self-loathing and harm. I found peace. I found beauty in my surroundings and I lived for the quiet. My days were filled with rest, painting and meeting new people who had new conversations and passions. And then I came home. I cried myself to sleep last night. I had made so many plans in my head of how I would celebrate my son’s 18th, my children’s end of college before they escape to uni, and how I would send them off … Continue reading “I ran away”
I’m sitting on the sofa crying again
I’m sitting on the sofa crying. No one really seems to be noticing. I’ve already cried in the shower today and cried again when I went up to the loo. I just sat there sobbing. I’m not really sure what I’m crying for. This morning I got up with every intention to tackle the front yard. No mow May is well and truly over and quite frankly it’s become completely out of control. I got up, dressed according and headed down on a mission. Just walking down the stairs was hard enough. I was completely out of puff. I took … Continue reading “I’m sitting on the sofa crying again”