Noone really talks about how your mental health affects those around you. All the conversation are about me and getting me the help I need. And I’m not discussing my children here. At the moment I cannot even contemplate the effect my actions have had on them. Its my husband I worry about. Men are taught from such a young age to bury their emotions. Don’t let them show. So he’s doing what he knows best and is just soldiering on. Noone is phoning in to check on him. Noone is offering him support through this difficult time. Noone is … Continue reading “It’s not all about me”
Month: March 2023
its ok kids. I’ll pay for your counselling
The past can be an odd thing. Each person has their own recollection of events. And over time we can rewrite these events so many times to fit our own agenda that it is easy to forget the facts. I’m a writer, I always have been. Since I was a teen I kept journals of thoughts and feelings. But equally in these journals I have only ever been able to write my truth. The truth of how events affected me. Of the emotions I was left with. And I recognise that my emotional response would not be the same as … Continue reading “its ok kids. I’ll pay for your counselling”
Words and situations
I currently feel overwhelmed by situations. I have high levels of anxiety over the future. I feel like a lot of changes in my life are outside of my control. In my day-to-day life, I don’t exhibit symptoms of anxiety. However, in my current mindset, I have a lot of worry and anxiety about loss, and past experiences. My expectation are to experience disappointment with the care I am receiving for my mental health. Once the crisis team has stabilised me I expect to get lost in a waiting list of people My emotions relating to the kids going to … Continue reading “Words and situations”
The room with a guard on the door
There’s just 3 of us in the room. Plus a guard on the door and a watcher in the corner. I try to convince myself that’s for them and not me. Both other occupants are teenagers. One on a comedown and one struggling with their mental health. I tell myself I dont belong in a room with them. But I recognise the one as who I was at that age. I just didn’t end up here back then. Maybe I should have. Maybe I’d have got the help I needed it would have stopped me from doing what I did … Continue reading “The room with a guard on the door”
Will actions speak louder than words?
If I’m honest Im feeling very let down. I was promised a referral to the mental health team would start to heal me. It was rushed through with a 2 week wait. In that 2 week wait I was taken to A&E as those who love me and care for me felt I was a danger to myself. Don’t worry said the hospital. The adult services will help you out. They’ll review your meds and get you strong again. They gave me some papers and a list of breathing exercises to help me through when the urge to cut got … Continue reading “Will actions speak louder than words?”
Sometimes its more than just a word. So choose them wisely
As part of my referral to the medical team who are going to help me. I was sent a form. It asks for details on my history, family dynamics, events that have happened, any history of mental health issues. It laid it out in a specific format, but when I started writing the words just flowed out and didn’t stick to their rules. But that’s me right there. I don’t really like the rules. I’ve always made my own. But I had covered all their points. I wrote down how difficult getting out the house for school each morning was … Continue reading “Sometimes its more than just a word. So choose them wisely”
We’re in crisis
Apparently we are in crisis. The thoughts in my head like venom have drip drip dripped into my mind and have left me unsafe. We have a visit each day from a carer. They write down my height, weight, hair colour and eye colour. They even want to know about tattoos I have. I wonder if this is incase I run away, or is it just to identify my body. It’s a strange thought to think they’ll need this information. As I’m feeling quite normal in this moment. But the dark thoughts are lurking in the back. The second my … Continue reading “We’re in crisis”
ADHD?
So there was me just thinking I was really unhinged. It started with the kids getting their places in uni. My weekends are being filled with choosing accommodation and applications for grants. Whilst I have every confidence my kids can feed themselves, wash their pants and be polite in others’ company, did I teach them enough about budgeting? I’m a bookkeeper for goodness sake. It’s in my nature to budget, but did they pick up these skills? And what about street sense? Will they find their way home? Know how to adapt if their transport gets cancelled and what about … Continue reading “ADHD?”